I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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