I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
