I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just found puke in my bra..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
