my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
