Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
