i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
