My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
