nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you didnt know i had herpes?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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