i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
