he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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