No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
