Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i out mim tonsoeep
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