why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
