so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
