shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
