I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Randomize
