There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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