I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
did i just pee glitter
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
