We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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