Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
