the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize