hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
