I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
