somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
