I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
