I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
