At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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