he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
