I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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