I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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