best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
