I want to make a zoo with you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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