BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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