We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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