Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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