she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Randomize