I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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