i would punch a child for taco bell
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize