It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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