the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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