Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
