And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
