Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
