happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I have post one night stand depression
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