if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
