we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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