Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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