I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
