If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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