That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
