I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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