can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
