My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
