I think I am morally bankrupt
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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