Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
