i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We need a shit load of segways right now
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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