I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
