alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
