And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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