well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
