that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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