so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
