This is not my ceiling
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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